


Bucky

by FawnoftheWoods



Series: Not Alone Anymore [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Loss, Team as Family, birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 09:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21505390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FawnoftheWoods/pseuds/FawnoftheWoods
Summary: Steve misses Bucky.Between Avengers (1) and any other movie.  Stand alone in the series.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team
Series: Not Alone Anymore [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/602305
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56
Collections: Stevie just needs a hug🥺





	Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> I think I feel like torturing Steve this month. *sigh* Poor Steve!

Steve stared at the worn picture on the table. Even with all the curtains closed and the lights on low, he could still make out the lines of the face he’d known most of his life.

Bucky.

He couldn’t remember a day he hadn’t known Bucky. They’d met before 1st grade. Steve could remember Ma talking about them running around after school. She said she always knew Steve was safe if he was with his brother.

Bucky.

Steve couldn’t really remember when Rikki was born. Ma had brought him over. Apparently she told him that his job was to talk to Bucky while she helped Winifred bring Bucky’s sister into the world. Somehow, in that conversation, Steve had convinced Bucky that Rikki was Steve’s sister too, so they both would look out for her. Bucky never contradicted that.

Bucky.

Steve pulled the blanket he had draped over his shoulders closer. He’d not felt like running that morning. Or eating breakfast. Or getting dressed. Or anything. He resented that he knew his body would require food before the day was out. He just wanted to sit here. And remember.

Bucky.

He remembered when Bucky got his first job with newspapers. Rikki wanted to go with him. Steve was the one to convince her that she couldn’t. Bucky had been terrified of losing her in the streets. He’d begged Steve to help her stay behind without dropping those big tears of hers. Steve and Rikki had agreed to have a snack read for Bucky whenever they could. Bucky always came home to that.

Bucky.

Bucky never spoke about his other sister. Steve had never known what to say. Bucky’s father died just before she was born. Tatiana had been a beautiful baby. Steve remembered the birth, he’d been 9 when she was born. Even losing his father, Bucky’s family did okay. Then everything went wrong. Tatiana didn’t see past 4 years.

Bucky

Steve shivered in the dark and considered asking JARVIS to increase the heat again. He’d woken cold. But it felt like too much effort just now. And JARVIS might get exasperated with him for changing it constantly. Be sides, he couldn’t get ill. The heating bill would be a waste of money. Steve’s health had always been a waste of money.

Bucky

Bucky had tracked him down after his Ma’s funeral. Steve hadn’t wanted to see anyone. He knew his parents were together. But that meant he was alone. But Bucky showed up. Bucky was his brother. Steve wasn’t alone.

Bucky.

Steve remembered when the draft came around. Bucky dodged the first two rounds. Steve applied. He hoped to help. He wanted to help. His life was worth so little, but his death could do so much over there. When the third round caught Bucky, Steve stopped hiding his attempts. He sat with Bucky staring at the paper. He promised, he’d be there for Bucky.

Bucky.

The picture on the table was of Bucky out of uniform, sort of. Steve had no idea where Tony had even found the thing. It certainly hadn’t been in Steve’s things. Maybe Peggy or Howard had taken the picture? It had been in the album Tony had left in Steve’s night stand. Bucky was laughing, army pants hung low, his shirt in his hands. He looked healthy. He looked alive.

Bucky.

Steve remembered Bucky wishing him luck with the interview at the fair. It was in his own way. They understood each other like that. They were brothers. Bucky knew he was leaving the next morning and the only solid chance of them meeting up on the battle field was if Steve aced this. Steve knew it was his real chance to be there for his brother. To show that he was worth all the love he knew Bucky felt for him.

Bucky.

Steve tried to write to Bucky a dozen times after that interview. Not that he knew where to send them. But he did write a few. Finally he sent one to Rikki. She’d make sure Bucky got it if something happened. He couldn’t explain the procedure, but he could say he’d gotten into the war. He could say he was coming. He could say he’d be there to help. He’d help Bucky.

Bucky.

When his stomach growled at him, Steve sighed. He almost jumped when a moment later a plate landed on the table. It had a full serving of real goulash steaming gently. Broccoli and baked apples appeared next. Steve just stared at them. They weren’t what he was thinking about. He was thinking about something far more important.

Bucky.

Steve had been terrified when he learned he was going to perform to actual soldiers. These men were doing everything he couldn’t do. They were supporting his brother. They were, not him. All he could do was help. But he hoped he did help. He hoped it would reach his brother some how.

Bucky.

After hearing that the men who had booed him off the stage were the 108th, Steve felt worse. These were Bucky’s brothers. Possibly his closest friends now. He didn’t help them at all. They had been through hell. Bucky had been through hell. And he wasn’t helping.

Bucky

Tony sighed as he settled next to Steve’s huddled form. He murmured to JARVIS to up the temperature by 5 degrees and Steve realized he’d been shivering. Bruce placed a glass of milk on the table and then curled next to Tony with a tablet. The two science bros didn’t ask him any questions. It might be that Tony had figured it out. After all, he knew what it meant to have a brother go off to war.

Bucky.

Steve wouldn’t even listen to the chance that Bucky would be MIA for the rest of the war. That wasn’t for his brother. Steve had gotten this chance to fight in the war, to help. He was going to do it. His dancing may not help those soldiers, but his fists might. It was time he helped his brother.

Bucky.

Steve remembered the desperation as he searched the cells for Bucky. Every face looked the same. They looked like not-Bucky. He kept running through the cells. He opened them. Better to have more fighters. Give them the freedom to fight back again. But he couldn’t find Bucky, so his mission wasn’t done yet.

Bucky.

Clint and Natasha curled on the couch behind Steve’s back. They spoke in low voices about some training event. Steve didn’t listen. He could feel Clint’s leg against his side and Tasha’s ankles against his shoulder. They brought porridge. It helped keep him warm. Bucky used to make it for the same reason.

Bucky

Finding Bucky had been too close to sheer luck for Steve’s comfort. The man had been in worse shape than Steve had ever been. The lack of recognition in those familiar eyes had been a stab of fear through Steve’s newly enforced heart. But then Bucky saw him. And Bucky did exactly what Bucky should do when he saw Steve. Bucky smiled.

Bucky.

Bucky’s refusal to leave Steve brought that fear back. Steve had been there to help Bucky. He’d been ready to die for Bucky. To let his death help his brother. But Bucky was stubborn like that. So Steve agreed to live to help Bucky instead. Because that was what Bucky needed.

Bucky.

Thor brought in a giant fur throw when he arrived. Together the whole team was covered in the beast. Thor mentioned its name, but Steve wasn’t listening. They curled together around Steve like a pile of puppies. Gradually the warmth seeped into Steve’s bones. He always felt warmer when surrounded by people. Bucky had been great for that.

Bucky.

Bucky had believed in Steve. After rescuing his brother, Steve didn’t want to let him out of his sight. Not for long. Bucky was okay with this. Bucky would follow him. Bucky had always pledged to follow Steve. Into alleys, into fights, and now into war. Steve would protect Bucky and Bucky would protect Steve. Because that was who they were. That was who he was.

Bucky.

Hearing Bucky’s scream as he fell was the worst sound Steve had ever known. It never stopped. Not with a thousand drinks, would it lessen. Not with a thousand punches, would it silence. Not with a thousand tears, would it disappear. The last sound he made.

Bucky.

At some point Tony must have left for a moment. Because Tony returned, which meant he left. He placed an apple cake on the table, covered in powdered sugar. It was store bought, but it did look good. Winifred made it good. Bucky had never gotten it right.

Bucky.

Waking up in the future had been like stepping into a dark room to discover the floor was made of pillows. Steve kept looking for solid ground, but it kept moving. He kept looking over his shoulder for his brother, but Bucky’s ghost stayed just out of sight.

Bucky.

Bucky would have liked the Avengers. He’d pester Tony for all the inventions he could try. He’d cuddle Bruce until the man relaxed. He’d shoot targets with Clint, goading the archer into more difficult challenges. He’d drink with Thor, singing crazed songs full of laughter. He’d flirt with Tasha, never caring if it went anywhere. And he’d be with Steve, his brother. Bucky would have loved the Avengers.

Bucky.

Tony lit a single candle on the cake. Steve stared at it a moment before looking down at the picture again. Steve smiled as tears streamed down his face and held the picture up to the light of the flame so they all could see his brother.

“Hey Buck,” Steve voice caught a moment, but he swallowed it quickly, “I want you ta meet the gang. They helped clear our home of aliens six months ago. Yeah, aliens, right? Anyway, they’re pretty awesome. Kinda like the Commandoes.” Steve felt Tony shift a bit, but the man didn’t interrupt him. “They came and found me, sittin’ in the dark like a punk. And look! They even brought cake! So, ya know, we like them, okay? They’re good people.”

Steve rubbed the side of the picture briefly with a wet smile and blew out the candle.

“Happy Birthday Jerk”

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Bucky's youngest sister died after the wall street crash of 1929. Its mentioned breifly in other fics in this series that Bucky lost a sibling due to the extreme poverty of those years. Bucky would have been about 11.
> 
> This is my attempt at depression for Steve. Depression doesn't disappear when life gets better, you still have your bad days and this is one of Steve's.


End file.
